Fifth Grade

Champion Learners

Treasure 

| 1 Comment

Written by Katelyn for the 100 word challenge

Koa nestled between a few rocks to meet her little sister, Olu, at the cave entrance. “Are you sure we should do this?” Olu said “What if Mama and Papa get worried,” “It’s okay, I have your back!” Koa said with bravery, Olu didn’t answer, but she still looked scared. “Come on it will be fun!” Koa encouraged “I’ll lead the way. The two girls both headed into the frightening, pitch black cave“I’m still worried” Olu said too Koa “This cave is forbidden, Mama and Papa will never trust us again!” “We’ll be fine” Koa insisted. Then, they saw a dark brown treasure chest. When Koa tried to open it, it popped like a balloon. “Wait, the treasure chest is a fake?” Koa shouted, before Olu could answer, the cave collapsed around them. “It’s not just a fake,” Olu said “It’s a trap!” Koa kicked the rocks in disappointment. 

One Comment

  1. Hi Katelyn-

    You snagged my attention immediately by dropping me directly into the scene. I really liked how you used dialogue between Olu and Koa to show the persuasive power one person can have over another’s decision-making. Olu is constantly questioning the situation; she knows she’ll disappoint her parents and potentially put herself in harm’s way, yet she is led astray by Koa’s dismissive responsive. You wrote a very real peer-to-peer conflict. Poor Olu isn’t listening to her inner voice. The way you ended your story was surprising. I wonder is she’s disappointed or terrified? How will they escape? 🙂

    Thanks for entertaining me!
    Mrs. Rombach, Team 100WC from Virginia
    https://blogs.lcps.org/rombachravenrockstars/

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